Saturday, December 4, 2010

Rocks in a Box

This is where I admit the sad reality I have come to that I am, in fact, utterly stupid.  My brain doesn't work like it used to when I was in college--either that or I've gotten a lot stupider as I've aged.  Or perhaps it really is like my mother suggested that we think we know it all when we're young, and when we become old (is thirty-four old?) we realize how much we don't know.  But I'm not too sure about that, because in all honesty, I used to be smart.

I have a really hard time thinking critically anymore.  I know I'm smart, damn it all.  I am!  And yet, somehow the folks in my master's classes have me feeling pretty dumb quite often.  I'm not entirely sure it's the age thing, because I think some of them have a few years on me.  I seem to be able to take a thought only so far and then am unable to cross the expanse to the next critical thought in which I might actually appear to be intelligent by seeing the whole picture.  This has me at a distadvantage when I attempt to write critical papers.  I'm able to argue that A + B = C, but I somehow miss the conclusion of D that can be drawn from that whole mess.  When did I become stupid?

I'm hoping that I can skate through graduate school without anyone finding out about my handicap.  I seem to be able to write creative literature perfectly well, so maybe no one will notice I'm really as dumb as a box of rocks.  And if my professors notice, perhaps I can bribe them with yummy vegan cupcakes.

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